We feel powerless when we have lost our self respect, self acceptance and confidence.
There seems to be so much these days in the media about the mental health side of the health system appearing to fail their clients with huge inadequacies being pointed out, as well as workplace bullying and the inadequacies that surround that situation. I also continue to hear horror stories of parents and children’s needs not being met when their child is bullied at school, whether this is by other children or by staff. I hear stories of children who are manipulating their parents, creating conflict, heartache and distress for the family. Yes there are wonderful stories out there, however so much seems to add to the powerlessness that people already feel. And there ARE solutions to powerlessness that do not require surgery, medication, cost an arm or a leg or require you to visit some exotic or isolated place.
So often we bring our yesterday into today, or our past years into today. If you do it is likely to destroy your future. One of the big challenges that we face is we take yesterdays, or yesteryears stuff into today, and this gives rise to some of our health challenges and certainly contributes to our stress levels. Each morning when you wake you are being given a fresh brand new sparkling clean unlived day. Live in the moment - in awe - in excitement - with new eyes, seeing things different, for they are. Each night give gratitude for this day. Knowing that tomorrow is a brand new one to explore, maybe try again or do something differently.
Read on....you will see why this is important!
III If you have not read or seen the first 2 parts to this series - click here for part 1 & here for part 2
What could a solution for better mind and body health look like?
As I mentioned at the beginning we actually poison our bodies and minds far more with the thoughts we think, that are out of alignment, toxic, negative and serve no value or purpose to our lives, or the lives of others. Worry is important ONLY from the perspective that we need to look at things from all angles, to be able to make an informed choice of whether something is useful, helpful or needful for us to do or be; otherwise worry actually serves no purpose apart from making you sick and weak – both in mind and physical body.
So now you have been able to get an understanding how it is not just what we put into our mouths, but what we let linger in our minds, what we continue to focus our attention on that contributes in a BIG way to our health.
And now a little information that will help your microbiome to be happier and work for you rather than against you.
Some of the physical aspects of nourishing ourselves are:
Some people with depression will eat more because of how the mind sabotages us, others will tend to do the opposite or at least eat less and their body will burn more.
In times of stress and trauma we need extra energy, mostly because our brain is in overdrive and that requires more fuel than the rest of our body. This is also why when people are studying they need extra food.
So the key is balance – with food, with thoughts, with our choices of what to worry about and how much to worry about it.
Check in with yourself regularly –
There are many changes we can all make, and if we feel overwhelmed, just start small. Change one thing today. Stick to that change, then add another tomorrow, next week or next month, then you will find before long you have eliminated habits that were unhealthy, and most likely have more energy and feel better.
“If you try to control everything (or anyone) and then worry about the things you cannot control, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery & frustration”
You have a choice - many tips in the information above and even more where this came from. I offer consultations for balancing the body/mind via skype or in-person sessions.
Challenged to make changes - book an "I want Change NOW" consult by clicking the button below.
If you have enjoyed this you may be interested taking a step back to my earlier blog and how some of this stuff all started....What is behind my illness....
if you have not read part 1 of Your Emotions and Your gut, you may like to do so here and you may like to check this article out....
Now we follow our food out of the stomach into the small intestine.
This organ receives food and drink that has been well churned (we hope). The role of this organ is to “pick out” the useful bits that nourish and support the body, passing what is not useful to the large intestine to be passed out of our body.
The small intestine emotion is discernment – making good choices – what is good and valuable and what is not.
So the ability to be clear, to have a clear mind is important.
Just as many things or people in our life are not useful, healthy or good for us, so too our food is.
There are valuable nutrients and fibre in most food, however some parts are toxic, and some foods are toxic, have parasites, chemicals etc, so the small intestine needs good discernment for us to be healthy. It needs to “sort though” all the information/food, keep what is useful and get rid of what is not going to nourish and support you.
So we could say part of our “mind clutter/confusion is actually coming from the stomach, spleen & small intestine, and part of our digestive/malnutrition issues are coming from worry unclear or poor choices in our thinking.
Another consideration here is how well are we "digesting life"?
If we are having challenges taking in life, sorting out what is helpful, supportive and life affirming then we will have issues with the digestive system, particularly the small intestine.
Do you lack interest in life, your surroundings and others.
Maybe you have the tendency to "bite off more than you can chew" and find yourself totally overwhelmed because you cannot see a way through. This could cause you to even lose your appetite, not only for food, but life.
As I have touched on our microbiome I will give a little insight here – we are outnumbered over 10/1! In our body for every cell, that is “US” we have over 10 cells that are not us, yet are of us and play a vital role in helping us to be healthy. They help us absorb nutrients, manage our weight, fight infection, make minerals, vitamins and enzymes, that cannot be made any other way.
IF there is imbalance in our microbe populations we can experience emotional challenges, dis-ease, illness and mental difficulties.
For great mind and body health our microbiome needs to have many varieties and good amounts. Antibiotics, and many household cleaners and hand wash products are some of the main killers of our healthy bacteria levels, and a diet that is lacking fresh, unprocessed food is the next worst enemy of the healthy balance.
So with all this information about eating for nourishment and nutrition for our bodies and mind, we need to know what that could look like......and you will find that information in part 3 coming soon
We hear phrases bandied about like “What you feed grows”, “You are what you eat”, “What you think about you bring about”.
So just what does this mean in relation to the health of our body and the health of our minds? To have a well body we need to have a clear adaptable mind.
We actually poison our bodies and minds far more with the thoughts we think, (thoughts that are out of alignment, toxic, negative and serve no value or purpose to our lives, or the lives of others) than we do with the food we put in our mouths. This is saying something when you look at all the sugar laden, chemical laden processed food that is the diet of many people today.
When we eat with guilt or judgmental thoughts about the food we are eating, our size, the size of those around us etc we are setting up a chemical guilt trip within the digestive system as to how our food is digested – and it aint good! When you feel judged or guilty, every cell in your body feels it and goes into defence mode and you can experience pain anywhere in the digestive system. Yep – just as you do when you are judged. When we are in defence mode, we do not “work well”, we do not think properly or make good decisions or take right action. Our little cells in our digestive system are just the same, and even our microbes pick up on these feelings and respond defensively! So how ever can we have a good healthy digestive system when its operation mode is “defend at all costs”?
History, environment and family!
No point blaming them tho...because YOU can do something about it. Yep - you read right - YOU CAN BREAK FREE! Whilst our family, our hereditary, history and the environment may have contributed a greater percentage, YOU have CHOICE.
Quoting Joe Dispenza D.C. from his book - Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, "it seems that human nature is such that we balk at changing until things get really bad and we are so uncomfortable that we can no longer go on with business (life) as usual. This is true for individuals as it is for a society. We wait for crisis, trauma, loss, disease and tragedy before we get down to looking at who we are, what we are doing, how we are living, what we are feeling and what we believe or know, in order to embrace change. Often it takes a worst-case scenario for us to begin making changes that support our health, relationships, career, family and future.”
It seems we fear change, and for those of us who embrace change, we fear upsetting those in our lives more than they are appearing to be upset.
We fear triggering more anger, more abuse, more disrespect and giving one more reason to “drive them away”. We tick along, trying to bury the elephant in the house, pretending things are not as bad as they really are and hoping against all hope that things will change, that they will get better.
Do you feel like you are living in an ice cave? Where you have shut yourself in, not allowing yourself to feel, because in the next moment you may well be shattered again, have your meagre hopes dismantled with a few well placed unkind words. You feel it is safe to not feel at all, than feeling being continually “whacked around verbally and emotionally”.
Do you feel that you have no feelings left; you are just going through the motions of living? You may well be able to “be yourself” with your few close friends, but even they know that something is up. You see the support and care they receive, you see the connection of being part of a family...and you feel the lack in your own life.
Do you feel SO angry desperate to have things change to a loving, supportive, team-working partnership? AND do you wonder if it will ever be different?
We do live in a culture where (mostly) men are living with the belief that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions.
That they can come home and take out their frustration on their wives, partners and children.
They believe that as long as they are “bringing home the bacon” that they fulfil their role. It appears that this is the only role that some think they have. Not even being present for children’s milestones of finishing primary school, college, graduations etc.
Maybe they had a father who, like this was not present and had expectations that were not attainable, who did not encourage or praise, or a mother who was domineering, liked to criticise, blame, shame and belittle - yet I know in the bottom of my heart that IF another man or woman treated their partner, wife or child as they do they would not let it rest until the “other” was dealt to. Yes our men are protective; especially when it is someone else who abuses their loved ones, yet many do not see their behavior as the same.
It is not right, it is not fair, it is not even acceptable to be abused, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or verbally.
However it happens - what matters NOW is are we going to be the change we want to see?
SO what do we do?
How do we continue, survive, or even begin to heal – all of which are possible by the way.
We know that not everyone we meet is like this – because we have some good relationships – and this tends to convince us that all our abuse issues are because of “the other.”
You see, in the first 7 years of life we experienced MANY things, so numerous that we never will remember them all, and many of them traumatic to a young life, which was unsupported emotionally and mentally, and maybe physically too, to deal with all that was coming at them.
So in those early years we set up beliefs of
So life goes on and all of a sudden we are in situations that where we feel power-less and abused, once more.
So yes – it IS "the other", to a certain extent, but just as much, it is the child within us – powerless, frightened, threatened and scared who is responding.
THIS IS WHY WE START WITH OURSELVES.
You can never change another person – yet when YOU change there will be, and is changes in those around you.
So the most power-filled, courageous and inspiring thing you can do for yourselves and others is to make some changes - inside of you - to become stronger, more confident, courageous, and to gain your self respect.
They will try, they will rant and rave, and maybe things will appear to get worse for a time – stick to your new desired reality and you will ride it out.
Yep, you will slip up, and revert to your old reactions, but re-set yourself and continue on, for practice builds new neural pathways and eventually the “slip-ups” will become less and less.
In a workshop I have created
Click the link for more info or to sign up – will offer workshop on-line if requested
Self criticism is like lying to ourselves every day. We engage in negative self talk and thought patterns that inhibit our personal growth and limit our ability to live a full and grounded life.
Self-criticism is also a factor in eating disorders and self-mutilation and loneliness.
For many of us self-criticism is just the way we talk to ourselves. Our inner dialogue, that can be silent or audible and regularly sounds like this: I am a failure, No one can love me, I can’t do anything right. I look horrible, What’s wrong with me? I’m such an idiot, I am always screwing up!
Did you know that we so often assume our thoughts are 100 percent true, that these thoughts are accurate reflection of real life? The truth is that they’re not.
Our thoughts aren’t necessarily realistic or even meaningful.
And we don’t have to believe them or act on them.
Remember that what we think about comes about....so if we are always telling ourselves that we are a failure, that no one will love me, I look horrible, I am an idiot...you got it – that is exactly what is going to become real.
Even if we are thinking it, for thoughts are energy and matter follows energy, our thoughts will become fact, however spoken words are far more powerful, so they will become fact far quicker!
We think (very wrongly I might add) that such self-critical statements somehow safeguard against laziness, mistakes and complacency; that they’ll somehow keep us in line and ensure we achieve our goals, however the opposite actually happens.
The feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, anger, frustration, embarrassment, disappointment and hopelessness that self criticism brings up for us destroys our resolve, drains our energy and confidence and paralyzes progress
Now there is constructive feedback and unconstructive self-criticism (feedback)
Unconstructive self-criticism, is destructive, inconsiderate, judges the “you” (not your work or behavior) and is totally unbalanced – it reeks of failure and disconnects us from the actual reality which can lead to confusion, guilt, blame and shame.
Constructive feedback, gives us specific insight into what we could have done; it’s an honest, unbiased, considerate and respectful enquiry of our behaviour and work. This helps us to learn another way of doing or being.
To have this level of honesty can be seen as “easier said than done”, however if we can confront our inner demons we can slowly retrain ourselves to think differently and limit and delete those feelings of hopelessness and despair that plague those who self criticise.
There are no “wrong” or “bad” choices – there are just results or consequences for our choices and if something turns out the way we did not want it to, then we have another choice of taking another action.
So many people believe that being hard on themselves is the only thing that will make them better people, however there is NOTHING in research to back this belief. Self-criticism has been shown to increase procrastination, worry, anxiety and severely restrict us from attaining our goals. If you already feel worthless and incompetent, you may feel like there is no point in even trying to do better next time, or at the worst not even have a next time.
From my personal experience with self criticism – and I have had lots of practice unfortunately – it is sinister and destructive, and has you in a web of entrapment – often when you know that you do not want to be there. The mind is a tool that for some of us we require teaching how to use it well and appropriately, for things of use, uplifting, progress, potential and prosperity.
Self criticism is like a vortex that drags or sucks you down, all you see is how stuck you think you are, problems and lack – what you have not got or who you are not. Read More
Sadness comes and goes – it is a part of life, however if it is flavoring, permeating and soaking your life – something is not right!
I can just about guarantee that you do not like to see your friends, children or significant other unhappy and you are most likely doing EVERYTHING for them so they can be happy....WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you think it may be time for YOU, that you could respect yourself as much as you do others and take just a little corner of a day, a little time to feel the warmth, love and care from another that you are so good at giving to others?
You know how much others appreciate you listening to them, giving them time etc.....and you possibly think, “Why does no-one care about me?”
Can I share a secret, or two, with you?
Did you know that the key to your happiness lies in you respecting yourself, in giving to YOU, in taking time for YOU. Yes I know it is sad that others could be nicer, give you time, listen to you and support you just like you do for them......
here is another secret.....
Until YOU realise that things are just going to stay the same and you will always be unhappy, the world will pass you by and you will miss out on all the fun, until you accept that things cannot get any worse than they are, or that they will, and are willing to take action NOTHING WILL CHANGE.
Until YOU decide that no-one else is going to take care of you and help you to be happy, and that it is up to YOU, then, and only then will things change. The good news is that you do NOT have to this alone, yet you must make that choice alone - it is YOURS to make.
You see, we can live for years, knowing we are not happy, feeling sad, lost, lonely, unheard and unappreciated, and things can get worse, or just stay the same, HOWEVER there is something inside of you that is screaming sadness, unhappiness, of “how much more can I take?”
That something MUST be listened to.
You can choose to take more – the human body and mind has fantastic capacity for pain and suffering.......OR you can choose to reach out – to learn the steps, the dance, the journey into the sunshine.
By choosing to take action, you can feel the warmth of your smile, coming from INSIDE and radiating out, you can feel the lightness in your step as you shed the burdens that weigh you down, that drag you through the muck and even make you stuck. You can feel the love, nurture and support that you give and you can feel and know respect, for yourself, and know resilience.
I would like to take you on a journey – either to look out from your life at the potentials, or to look within to the signposts that are asking to be seen. Learn to be present with who YOU are, to get to know YOU and to know a measure of happiness you may only have dreamed of, or thought possible for everyone, but you.
Erena Oliver Empowerment Specialist
I am a Wellness Consultant helping women to reclaim their self respect, self acceptance and confidence. And best of all helping them to release their fears of ever feeling powerless again.